Chapter 4. Happiness and Pain

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The truth about love is that it involves emotions…emotions brought about by our hypothalamus just like how the entire concept of love is.  Yes, the brain has the greatest part to play in this topic and its that powerful that it enables anyone to do the most outrageous and sometimes the most deadly.

Many have  been a victim of love’s violence, many has endured the catastrophe it has brought, and many has cherished and celebrated its joys and wonders. Its all in the person and how he or she controls his or her brain. Some people find love to be addictive that they never ran out of hope and they keep on repeating the cycle of its beginning up to its ending. Some finds a threshold that they opt to let go and live  independently may it have a feeling of regret or victory. Yes, its not true for everyone but there are common grounds shared.

Love is delicate as it is abstract but understanding it just needs an open and objective mind. As I have mentioned in the previous chapter, I am not an expert but I know what I see, hear, and feel. I know what happened and what I did. You might not agree with all the things I say, but I know you will agree that these happens.

Love has brought me happiness. For every time love begins, its the sweetest and most certainly interesting that it removes the boring part of life or that of the world. Every single beginning has that effect that makes your heart beat fast, your check warm and red, and your body feels excited. Your brain starts focusing on a new concept of life that makes you ignore most of the world’s concern instead focus on yourself and the one that is currently happening. Some might say that your world starts revolving on this new concept or as others would point out- that person. There is truth in that for it has affected your previous set of actions and focus.

I guess you already know by now that I met love when I was in high school as I more frequently later on. And our closeness came with friendship that for sometime was a good one, until pride and self preservation turned everything upside down. It turned sour that the concept of friendship later one was replaced with hatred. Hatred became patient… patiently plotting. Added the fact of immaturity, well you get the idea of how messy it is.

I came to college with a heavy heart and a challenge of a new beginning. That new beginning came with a motive to prove to that person and everyone else involved that I am great. Yes, by now I am laughing at those things and found what I did was silly but it happened and its a part of my life that help me realize the things that matter and those that doesn’t.

Pain is a product of our nonacceptance and regret, of our inability to realize our limits and failure to balance expectations and reality. This pain becomes a catalyst that sometimes cloud our rationality and enables us to do things we might regret in the future. We sometimes forget the moments in our life that made us feel happy and important.

Yes, just like most, I fell victim to this. I failed to remember that it was because of love that made me laugh the hardest, smile the greatest, and live the fullest. I remember those moments you are beside that person and the warmth given is enough to make a day meaningful even though you are not moving, talking, or looking at each other. It felt peaceful, looking at the same direction with a glance that seems to plan a bright and ideal future. You head resting on a shoulder and your feet touching.

Sometimes it make no sense but it does. Every little thing does. That walk along the beach under the moonlight with the cool breeze circling around you both. Those jokes that made you throw crumpled papers while chasing each other around the room which eventually ended to a sort of accidental hug that you both intend. Yup, those moments.

But circumstances come that ends a once thought perfect connection. Does it end there? The answer is an obvious no. A better question is what happened next? That is what you should read in the next chapter.

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Chapter 3: Evolution

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The truth about love is it does not end. It continues forever and every generation has its own version. I guess this is because the idea of loving and being loved gives our mind a concept of comfort and happiness, telling us that we are not alone. Although as conflict arises and personal preference become a priority, our mind processes a different set of emotions that made tears flow, pain inflicted, madness created,  friendships broken, life ended and inspired the greatest narratives and poetry, awakening consciousness.

Love is as real as it gets. Though it is a mental process, the command it gives to our body and thought provides a multidimensional experience that changes our blood pressure, releases hormones, and creates an environment that has a different feel for every situation encountered.

You might ask why we go through such? The answer is simple, its in our biological structure. It is every bit a human thing.

Now let’s go back to our story. I know you are anxious as to what happened in those childhood years. You are wondering if I ever told that person my interest. The answer is no. The idea of love at that stage is so profound and alien that I cant see myself doing it. I have even told myself that love is for rookies and that I don’t have any need of a shoulder to cry on. Yes, I was being tough. I always thought that I was invincible and that an idea as simple as love cannot affect me.

Ofcourse, the way that sentence is constructed already tells you that I was wrong. Nonetheless, that was my sentiment at that time without realizing that before high school ends I will be experiencing what everybody calls a heartbreak. My first heartbreak.

Love doesn’t come in one package, it comes in a variety of packages. Its not prejudicial neither does it discriminates. It came out of friendship I built with a classmate of mine in high school. Now don’t rush judgement that I easily befriend anyone. I’m actually a snob and shy in public. Only through forced acquaintances do I have the courage and the chance to meet and get to know a person. And as you might have guessed it, intellect is the factor that caught my attention plus ofcourse that confidence and good looks. I might have been envy of the status that person was in but I guess its only because I was in awe of the light that was shinning out of this person.

If it was an attraction how come it ended in hurt? That is becoming a trend nowadays isn’t it. But yes, it did ended that way. It even extended to a number of years hating that it made my thought of plotting vengeance. But before we go to that part of the story let me first tell you how it all begun. See you in the next chapter.

Chapter 2: First Encounter

The truth about love is that it can be both pleasurable and painful. As mentioned in the previous chapter it involves emotions that we ourselves dictate on our consciousness. It is in our mind therefore controlling emotion is very possible.

However, nothing beats the first encounter. It is because the experience is novel and our first encounter with it alters our innocence. You might say that the present generation is pretty much exposed to the topic. That is true for the clout of mass media is expansive. On the other hand, exposure is one thing and experience is another thing.

The first encounter happens as early as childhood (depending on the environment’s influence) and as late as adulthood (depending on your acceptance of the idea). Some of us call it as a crush or infatuation but only the person experiencing it can recognize it as such or not. After all, it is the individuals own life isn’t it?

Some may say that the first encounter is unforgettable but isn’t every encounter a part of our memory? I believe its up to you if you will force yourself to forget such a memory. Some may say that only true love can be counted as the first encounter. But isn’t every encounter judged by yourself as love real? Love is love and as long as you recognize it as such then it is true.

My first encounter with the subject matter happened when I was 11. During my elementary years, I was competitive or at least I was forced to be. I’m attracted to achievements as much as I’m attracted to intelligence. So it will not be a surprise if I got attracted to my competitor that time. She has grace in her movements for a kid in a public school. But what stands out is her memory and ability to analyze information critically. She was my classmate in almost every grade level (except one). We were always chosen as contestants in most academic battles. Always winning and sometimes going against each other (in the competition). We were always on top of the class, sometimes tied and sometimes beating me to the first place. But most importantly, we were friends.

We were always together. We were playmates. Every noon time, during lunch break, we would climb the school’s perimeter wall and would balanced ourselves as we walk our way around this thin concrete structure while chatting with our classmates. During Christmas breaks we would gather our friends and do some caroling. The money we get from it would be spent for our party, usually at her house.  Maybe it was the attention I get from being her friend. Maybe because of the fact the she is the only one who can beat me (academically). Maybe because I got close to her too much- as friends. One thing is true though, I was attracted to her.

If you will ask me how I expressed myself to her or what moments happened during those years. I guess you have to check the next chapter.

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The Truth About Love… or not

Chapter 1. My basic understanding

The truth about love depends on what you believe and understand. It is a word that is given a meaning based on our conception about how we feel. Practically speaking its an attraction that we dictate upon our consciousness, upon the parameter we set on what we identify to be pleasing or not, worthy or not. However we deny it, its a judgement we give to others packaged in what we call love.

I won’t pretend to be a master of this topic, but I do think these things that I’m saying is plausible, true. I had my share of the experiences though I may not have similar fate as others, I found time to be curious of what is going on and the consequences of the choices I made. Just like what I have said, I’m not a master neither did I made excellent choices but I made choices based on trust, fairness, and fear.

Love is always a broad topic because of the numerous interpretations we have on it. However we share similar variables which I will call parameters of love. Let me identify four: trust, sex, parity, and concurrence.

In every relationships we create decisions on whether it will continue or end, persist or resist; these four are placed on a scale, balancing its worth which results to either a hasty decision or a prolonged research. I have placed them in balance as I will cite in the succeeding chapters. But let us begin in the most profound conception of love, the first ones that we ever had.

Now let us not confuse ourselves, what we are talking about here are special or intimate relationships, not the ones we have with our parents, relatives, and friends, though the latter is intertwined with our topic. This is not even about the love that we give to our pets, work of art, or fiction entities. This is about the ones we instinctively feel to someone we meet or cross our path with that either make our hearts beat fast, make us ashamed, interested, very excited, breathless, blush, faint, fall head over heels (whatever you were actually doing and you call it that), absent minded, clumsy, or happy. There are a lot of things to describe it but I know it happens or happened to you as it did to me. The very first one, the one we choose not to forget because the emotion that time was new that it made a mark in our memory. Let me tell you mine in the next chapter.

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